UPDATE #2: First question: Did Michael Bay just neglect to make a Shredder pun while addressing his ‘Ninja Turtles’ fiasco? It would have been soooooo easy. Second question: Does Michael Bay think February was a “long time ago?” The script … Continue reading

EXCLUSIVE: Review Of Bay’s Failed ‘Ninja Turtles’ (Now With Bay’s Response)


First question: Did Michael Bay just neglect to make a Shredder pun while addressing his ‘Ninja Turtles’ fiasco? It would have been soooooo easy.

Second question: Does Michael Bay think February was a “long time ago?” The script that was illegally leaked online and widely reviewed had a 1/30/12 date, which would seem like almost 2 years after Bay and Platinum Dunes were attached to the project in LATE MAY 2010.

And who better to help lay the blame on Bay than Peter Laird, one of the Turtle’s creators:

I think the script that I read is so fundamentally flawed, and — more to the point — so NOT a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, that trying to make piecemeal changes to it in an effort to make it into something halfway decent is probably a fool’s errand.

In my opinion, the thing should just be tossed out, deliberately forgotten, and the process of generating a new script really a new outline, then treatment, then script — should be started again. I have no insider knowledge of what’s going on with the movie, but from the bits and pieces that have slipped out, it seems like that may be exactly what is happening.

While we’re on the subject of this script… I have to say that while reading it, and especially reading the last twenty pages or so, I couldn’t help but think of the brouhaha which erupted a few months back when Michael Bay was heard to say that in the upcoming movie, the Turtles would be revealed to be “from an alien race”, and following that, all the mental gymnastics indulged in by people who wanted to parse his words and make it seem like “No, he didn’t REALLY say they were going to be ALIENS!”… and then this script makes it way out onto the Internet, and if it is legitimate, it’s painfully clear that YES, the Turtles WERE, in fact, going to be ALIENS.


Don’t let Bay off the hook, guys. Even if this wasn’t the script he was executing, he’s still asking you to trust him when it’s fairly obvious we can’t.

While we’re on the positivity of the fandom side, I got a really nice e-mail forwarded on to me yesterday:

Hey man, I just thought I’d throw a little positivity on the TMNT out there.

We’re just going into post-production on the definitive history of the TMNT and it’s looking awesome.

Check out a teaser and some behind the scenes stuff at www.turtledoc.com and enjoy a happy Turtle story in all the gloom.



I watched all the videos. Can’t wait to check that out, especially the voice actors and the revelation that Michael Ian Black might have spent the most time in a Turtle costume of all actors to ever portray them. Neat!

UPDATE #1: I know the script was out there before it got cease-and-desisted, so this is now being used as a rally point for the stupidity of the movie. As such, I thought I’d stop by and add some TMNT bonus materials as this conversation continues.

Commenter MIXTER posted a link to a Leo sculpt he did inspired by the new movie (before he heard it was this bad, I’m guessing):

‘The Blue Door’ seemed like it was dependent on a new Turtles design that made their entire body shapes different. Raph has linebacker shoulders and Leo is smaller and leaner.

Jorge Luis Castilla Jr points out that there’s a Boycott Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles Facebook page.

Commenter BuckD4wg says: “You know what, I actually thought it sounded half decent. Sure, the inter dimensional side might be a tough pill for many to swallow, but anyone familiar with turtle lore knows how far-fetched some of the previous story lines have been.

And here’s the thing – I totally get it. I’m not a huge fan of the non-canonical Volume 3 comics run (Cyborg Donatello, etc), but I know that the Turtles can be stupid. They were kind of made that way. Laird and Eastman created them to be a spoof of a few 80s comics that were popular at the time, so they were gritty like Frank Miller’s ‘Ronin’ and the name Splinter came from Daredevil’s master Stick (a literal chip off the ol’ block). Turtles have always been a little stupid, but they’ve had a certain degree of logic to that stupidity.

One of my favorite Turtle projects in existence is 2009′s ‘Turtles Forever’ direct-to-TV movie where the 2003 animated Turtles cross over with the 1988 animated Turtles and eventually they all meet the “prime” Mirage Comics Turtles. It deals with three different iterations of these characters interacting with each other in fun ways and it’s the second most enjoyable Turtles movie (the first movie will always be the purest translation from comics to film, we’ll never get closer).

Best part? Turtles Forever is on YouTube IN IT’S ENTIRETY. Watch now!


Earlier this year, Michael Bay made quite the ruckus when he let spill that his Platinum Dunes live-action Ninja Turtles movie might have something to do with making the Turtles “alien.” Fanboys freaked out, everyone mocked Bay to the point that he had to half-walk-back his comments on his personal message board, telling people to chill. The people didn’t chill and someone higher than Bay got spooked, putting the project on hold until they could work out script issues (and delaying the release of the movie to TMNT’s 30th Anniversary).

I’m here to report on a project that was called ‘The Blue Door’ written by Andre Nemec & Josh Applebaum, based on a script that’s not in my possession. It’s half-good and half absolutely horrible, with the first act-and-a-half delivering what Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans want: awesome Turtle action and wisecracks. What comes after, well, it’s Midichlorian-level nonsense.

At the expense of the canonical characters, Casey Jones and April have been made and 18-year-old ex-couple. They display very few of the character traits we’d associate with April or Casey, so I’ve subbed in Justin Beiber and Kate Upton in the below plot outline. There isn’t really a villain with tons of dialogue, instead we get Colonel Schrader, who I’ve cast as Robert Patrick, even if he’s a bit old these days.

I’ve decided to layout the plot of the film, beat-by-beat, in video format. Share this video. Tell your friends. I got a peek at the project and these plot points are 100% True  –> someone thought this would be a good idea.

[Please note - all images culled from a Google Image Search, and many of them are fan designs and riffs. I encourage you to look these up on your own, there are people doing GREAT things with the Turtles. All other errors in quick-and-crappy-Photoshop are my own.]

Ninja Turtles fans know their property – we know it’s pretty stupid sometimes. I’m one of those people who thinks ‘TMNT’ was a pretty good movie – there were the Turtles acting like we wanted them too, we got the Raph-is-superhero story line that worked well. Sure, there were some wierd monsters, but Patrick Stewart was the villain, so – come on! If nothing, the Turtles need to be fun, and when ‘The Blue Door’ is fun, it works. It’s when it decides to take the majority of the end of it’s 2nd act in flashback that negates everything that came before it…that’s the crappy part.

What can we do? Spread the word. Tell your friends: Michael Bay almost made a crappy Turtles movie and we managed to stop him by being pissy. Yeah, that might not be exactly what happened, but I do know that the new script is being worked on now and the best way to keep a inter-dimensional/alien plot out of the new movie is to be VERY. VOCAL. About how much this sucks.

It sucks. The second half of it sucks enough to ruin the first half. Heck, it feels like the second half is from a different movie entirely.

I’m so glad this isn’t the Turtle movie we’re getting.



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  • http://www.facebook.com/palkevich Jeff Palkevich

    What, you didn’t love that ending that felt like it was ripped out “Fringe”?

  • thedarkdesign

    Oh lawdy.

  • http://twitter.com/mixta110 MIXTER

    Well, heres what I liked about this… It had the Turtles, Shredder, Kraang, Bebop & Rocksteady, casey jones, April Splinter, the Technodrome and Dimension-x all in one movie! Dream come true!

    Heres what I hated, everything else. Now if they can rework it to feature mentioned characters but not have a sucky story and changed sucky character changes I could love this.

  • http://twitter.com/mixta110 MIXTER

    p.s, heres a concept sculpture of a Turtle I made,

    Was hoping the new movie Turtles look somewhat like it. Can’y beat the original Turtle costumes mind.

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  • joshi38

    Gotta say, while everything went a little crazy with the whole dimension X thing… the first part of the movie really kind of sucked. Perhaps it’s just because you peppered it with some of the worst one liners I’ve ever heard (and I’ve seen pretty much every 90′s Schwarzenegger movie), but nothing about those first 2 acts had me thinking this script had any kind of potential, even without the Dimension X stuff.

    As such, I have less faith in any re-written script being any good. I don’t see Bay getting a decent writer in to do this, not when a half decent one can be brought in to write a sub-par script for a movie that will still end up making a lot of money because Bay’s producing it.

  • http://zachbobbob.deviantart.com/ ZachBobBob

    It doesn’t sound to bad, apart from the INCREDIBLY CONVOLUTED script and the horrible one liners…and overly twisting the lore.

  • http://www.facebook.com/LunchBoxKilla Lunch Box


  • http://www.facebook.com/isthisjon Jon Moore

    It wasn’t really THAT bad. Calm down nerds

  • Guest

    Michael Bay: Why don’t you just kill me?

    TMNT FAN: You’re punishment must be more severe

  • http://www.facebook.com/fawaz.azim Fawaz Azim

    Michael Bay: Why didn’t you just kill me

    TMNT FAN: Your punishment must be more severe

  • http://www.facebook.com/StephenMCroft Steve Croft

    Woah… just when you thought Bay couldn’t fuck a franchise in the ass more than Transformers…

  • A_Wise_Man

    This along with the Steve Jobs casting pick and the Robocop remake are some of the biggest travesties I have heard of in a while.

  • http://twitter.com/ThatChrisNagy ChrisNagy


  • http://www.facebook.com/carlos.shabo Carlos Shabo

    “Im glad this isnt the Turtle Movie we are getting”

    i guarantee that 85% of this will be in the new draft.

  • http://twitter.com/DuffyA Duffy Austin

    Casey and April are pallet swaps of Sam and GENERIC MICHAEL BAY FEMALE LOVE INTEREST from transformers.

  • Charles Jackson III

    Why they didn’t just use Noah Wylie who already knocked it out of the park once is beyond me.


    wow the second part is fucking stupid. clearly they need to make them the mutants the are but they should save any and all dimention x stuff for maybe a sequal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jlcastilla Jorge Luis Castilla Jr

    “Boycott Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles” has a facebook page.

  • Matt Shimon

    Without passion, there’s nothing. What are you passionate about Jon Moore, If not TMNT?

  • http://www.trenkilleronline.com Tony Isaza

    It’s SHREDDER you F**KTARDS… BLUE BLOOD… WTF?!?!? …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………damn… my head hurts….

  • buckd4wg

    You know what, I actually thought it sounded half decent. Sure, the inter dimensional side might be a tough pill for many to swallow, but anyone familiar with turtle lore knows how far-fetched some of the previous story lines have been. The only thing that needs tweaking is the origin, and it doesn’t even have to be that different. Clearly, the ooze backstory needs to stay, as that’s what we all know and have been brought up on, but this new “alien” planet thing could be the source of such ooze (did we ever find out just where the ooze came from anyway?), and during one of the rifts, a vial of it landed on earth, resulting in government experiments, and the birth of our boys. Done. Easy. Story works. Fan boys happy.

  • xBumblesBouncex

    I absolutely agree. Keep the characters (and Technodrome and dimension-x) but change everything else. I especially like the idea of Bebop & Rocksteady looking exactly like lore, and Kraang’s participation would be so epic.

  • A_Wise_Man

    who knows

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  • http://zachbobbob.deviantart.com/ ZachBobBob

    Oh yeah, AND THAT! haha

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clint-Hamilton/24900062 Clint Hamilton

    Jeebus, I am sure Bay will want to put dangling balls on them too, because he is SO HIP and SO FUNNY when he does that shit (*cough*Transformer 2*cough*)

  • http://www.facebook.com/zack.beseda Zack Beseda

    Uuuuughhhhhhhhhh… Schrader… so we’re doing bad puns now?

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  • http://profiles.google.com/drawnder Tuerto Manco


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  • clarkk41

    You know any story outline when pitched with a negative tone can sound stupid. The fact is there is fan boy opinion and then rest of the world opinion. For everyone here that is knocking on Bay and what he did with Transformers, the last movie is still the FIFTH highest grossing movie of all time and that was the third one in the franchise. You can argue on how you viewed the quality of the film but in terms of what you want a summer blockbuster to do, it delivered. Now I am not saying this script is great by any means but we have no idea where the project is in the scheme of things and movies scripts go through drastic changes throughout the course of their development. Like him or not Bay is a good film maker and knows how to make blockbuster films that reach huge demographics.

  • http://profiles.google.com/drawnder Tuerto Manco

    Punish this…TURTLES!

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  • http://www.facebook.com/Wraithmaker Raphael Soohoo

    As someone ACTUALLY NAMED Raphael, I am ready for Michael Bay to be taken off of this project…

  • http://www.facebook.com/erik.hollender Erik Hollender

    Woww….. That is a horrible script! Even trying to imagine it in the best possible light, it still earns a well earned spot next Batman & Robin – but without the “it’s so bad, it’s good”. Its just sounds like it would have been bad – and the 80s child in so many of us would have died upon seeing such a travesty. I really hope Kevin Eastman was given a big enough check to actually say this movie was going to be good.

    I never begrudged Michael Bay for the Transformer movies. I thought they where good popcorn fare – even if in the third film there was a plot hole large enough for a planet to go through. But this… this is really just awful. It’s the epitomy of horrible corperate decision making.

    Also, that female Turtle mentioned at the end seems like a biggest middle finger to fans.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jasonshan24 Jason Shannon

    Problem is, the “story,” if that’s what they’re claiming this thing was, wasn’t the worst part about it. The Turtle lore is a bit far-fetched. It’s possible to make a good movie with “far-fetched” lore. It’s impossible to make a good movie with the drivel that Bay and his cohorts have slapped together for this so-called script. We don’t need the same cookie-cutter, cliched, one-dimensional, bullshit characters that we already got to know and learned to hate in the Transformers “franchise.” Seriously. Swinging a gun holster like it’s nunchuka? Raph all of a sudden is the wisecracker? Colonel Schrader? With blue blood, and mutating spikes?

    Fuck you Michael Bay. Fuck you all to hell.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jasonshan24 Jason Shannon

    Yeah, it was worse.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Fletch2011 Chris Barlow-Fletcher

    I’m a tmnt fan i always have been always will be but why the uproar abut the plot, obviously Micheal Bay had some fresh ideas on an idea that has been around since the early 80′s. The turtles have had every kind of make over as a series from going into the future to going into the past to even mutating further why not put a different spin on it in the movies as well rather than judge the film before its even entered production support the film and give it a chance and those so called Turtles fans shame on you when you know how diversified the entire franchise has ever been

  • http://twitter.com/RDpinoy Ryan Dedios

    well since he’s at it, Michael Bay should make a Streetfighter movie starring Jean Claude Van Damme… oh wait! too late LOL

  • miimsy

    Let’s be fair here.
    While I can understand why it wouldn’t seem bad for someone who reguarly enjoys Bay movies and movies like them.
    Just from a MOVIE standpoint, without being a “nerd” or “fanboy”, it blows.

  • http://twitter.com/mixta110 MIXTER

    Firstly, thanks Da7e so much for posting a link to my sculpture! That is so awesome of you! My deviantArt view hits has passed 2000 in 3 days! Thats getting on for as many people as will see the movie! ;-)

    Re, the update from Bay, at the very least I’m glad he is aware that the script sucked, so hopefully he will remedy that. What confuses me, is how hard can it be to get right? Theres enough source material there to draw from that nothing needs changing. From the comics to the cartoon series, and of course the fantastic 1990 movie, (which I’ve never heard even 1 person say that didn’t love it) Hell, a better sequel to that would be great! I always wanted to see Bebop & Rocksteady, Kraang and the Technodrome in the sequel, but we got a silly version of superspikes Shredder and 2 weird mutants that no one liked.

    Even the TMNT movie got the setting and the Turtles down, again it was let down by silly villains and a duff story. But the Turtles dynamic was very good IMO, especially Leo & Raphs little scuffle.

    I would LOVE to be making this movie!!!!

  • Chemsem

    I have to admit, the story is creative. I just don’t understand why they think that their story is better than the original? It sounds so much more silly than what they are trying to improve.

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  • Mark Turner

    If your summary is accurate (which I am sure it is), then there are some legitimate elements to the story that wouldn’t be bad in a reboot… but when it all goes to hell, it SERIOUSLY goes to hell.

    What irks me the most isn’t just how out-of-touch and bad-for-the-franchise Bay is, but how arrogantly he pisses on the fans and the source material. He thinks he knows best (he’s been an arrogant idiot ever since Spielberg made the comment about how Bay was born to direct the Transformers films) and anyone who doesn’t agree with him is wrong.

    I would be willing to put up with the first act (even with some of the changes to April and Casey) as long as the other two acts are totally stricken from this realm of reality.

  • Mark Turner

    I thought they sprayed for trolls on this site?

  • Mark Turner

    You make a valid point, Chris… but, for me, I think a great deal of the problem comes from this script/concept trying to do way too much in just one film. First two acts should be developed into one longer, stronger film and only then would the Dimension X angle (and possibly all the Turtle Elders/prophecy-stuff) be easier to swallow.

    If you have a chance to read actual excerpts of the script, the language used to describe how characters are looking/acting/thinking is beyond crass and juvenile – which in itself suggests how little the creators care for story and how much more concerned they are for as much over-the-top visuals and shallow dialogue.

    As I said in my earlier comments, I enjoyed some of the elements that the video made us aware of – like the par-core -style means in which the turtles travel across the city; the idea that the turtles were created by the government (still mutants, FTW!); and I even liked the concept of Raphael battling “Shrader” to reveal that he isn’t human (after all, if mutagen can make turtles into humanoids with semi-super powers, what could it do to a human being?)… but sending the turtles to another dimension; bringing in the Technodrome; introducing Krang and his army all in the third act? That’s just bad storytelling.

    I still say you can keep extra-terrestrial elements (like, for example, have the mutagen ooze come from off-world and from Krang’s dimension – thus connecting the turtles and Krang/Shredder) and even find a “legit” reason for the turtles being trained in hand-to-hand combat (they were mutated to become weapons by the government and have been trained since they could walk, for example).

    But, again – it’s too much, too bloated and smells too much like something that simply doesn’t get it.

    I think most of the fans would agree that change isn’t bad – but change for the sake of change (and to sell movie tickets or to enable a lot of explosions during a battle) isn’t something people are interested in.

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  • Stoibs

    Okay! I can’t believe I’m going to defend Bay, but there seems to be some good stuff in here. I haven’t read the script, so maybe it is really bad, but the some of the ideas here are pretty cool.
    Bad- Get rid of the teenage Casey. Get rid of the non-ooze origin. Clean up some of the story beats. Make Shredder and Splinter into the characters we love.
    Good- Awesome that Dimension X and Krang are in it! I’m fine with converging universes. Some of the action sounds pretty great. Get rid of the Turtle elders/ Superman storyline.
    There is some dumb stuff in here for sure, but it’s not nearly as bad as people are making it out to be. Just make the human Shredder work with Krang in taking over earth. Keep the technodrome. Just clean this up and bring it back to what made the original story so successful. This could be okay. We all just need to remember that this is a TMNT movie. This should be fun! It needs to be in the vain of Iron Man. It’s cool that we got to see this before hand. Let’s offer some constructive criticism and get this on the right track.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bgullick Bradley Gullick

    Take out the turtles from dimension-x bulls*** and make dimension-x the place it was in the cartoons from the late 80′s. The place where Krang came from before the Shredder, who was a martial arts master along splinter’s owner, met each other, however that happened.

    Anyway, take Michael Bay and let a Transformer f**k him and get someone else who would be much better suited to direct a TMNT film. Oh, I don’t know, like Steve Barron, who directed the first film. Which is by far the greatest, the second was awesome as well. Super Shredder at a Vanilla Ice concert.

    Well, enough with my ranting. If anyone is interested, I could write a wonderful script that would revitalize and honor the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

    Also, the costumes were the best in the first two movies as well.

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  • http://twitter.com/chargeman thetaskmaster

    I think the only good part is the Dimension X stuff. Bebop Rocksteady and Krang are awesome news in theory. Everything else (Schrader?? Jeeesus Christ) Just beyond belief how shitty that is.

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